With it hot as a genital reference in the city today, my lady friend and I decided to head to the ocean. What better way to cool down than show a southern belle a former confederate prison in the middle of Boston harbor? I am a genius.

She forgave my cultural faux pas, and pretended to be impressed by my Indiana Jones-style cavern finding. However, this faded when I asked a man on a golf cart how to get to where I wanted to go. This was after she paced out the distance from one wall to the relevant air shaft. Apparently asking for directions isn’t always the right thing to do if one wants to impress a lady.

In the chamber of secrets
I am a wild animal
Spooky
Big wall